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This Week's Featured Expert

Stacy Kaiser is a successful Southern California based licensed psychotherapist, lifestyle coach and media personality. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and has received advanced training in the areas of human and child development, as well as emotional, physical and sexual abuse. For more information, visit Stacy’s website at: www.stacykaiser.com

Advice from Stacy

Dear Stacy,

Please tell me what to do. My boyfriend of two years, also the father of my 8-month-old son, has this obsession with looking at pornography. It hurts me so bad inside to think that he is looking at such nasty things. But when I come home, he doesn't even want to be intimate with me. What's wrong? I am not the kind of girlfriend that won't give it to him. In fact, I will give it to him whenever he wants; it just seems like he doesn't want it from me anymore. I don't feel attractive and I feel that he would rather be looking at the pornography instead of being with me. I ask him if it is an obsession, but he always says no. Even though every time he is home alone that is all he is doing. What should I do?? It hurts me so much and it grosses me out. PLEASE HELP!!

Nicole

 
Dear Nicole,

There are a few elements here that I believe need to be addressed, the first is about your boyfriend's addiction. There is a strong possibility that you are right and that he is an addict. In order to be classified as an addict, you need to have signs of the following:

1. A person can be called an addict if he or she is so immersed in the addictive activity that relationships, work or other activities suffer.

2. A person is considered an addict if he or she is powerless over the addictive activity and seems to not be able to stop.

3. A person who is an addict may not listen to someone he/she cares about until the pain inflicted in his or her life is greater than the desire to do the activity.

Another part of what might be happening may have to do with the birth of your new baby. It is often hard for a man to look at his partner with the same sexual desire that he once felt before she had children. I urge you to ask your boyfriend if this is how he is feeling and if so, I would suggest
couples counseling for the two of you so that you can work through this together.

Lastly, there are many resources that specialize in these types of issues. I would suggest that you check the internet, or call your local counseling center, hospital or university to find referrals to help you deal with all of this and that you seek counseling for yourself so that you can have the
support that you need.

Take care,

Stacy Kaiser

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