Top 10 Ways to Keep Passion in Your Relationship
By Philip E. Humbert
All long-term relationships go through a variety
of phases. There is the initial dating and courtship
and infatuation period. If the relationship continues,
it settles into a more stable time of building
a history as a couple. If children enter the picture,
that is a new phase. Later, there is another phase
of being together as a mature couple with the
wisdom of experience.
We all know that it is possible
to keep passion, romance, excitement and sexual
intensity alive through the years, but we also
know that many relationships settle into a kind
of friendly (or not so friendly) roommate situation.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but
there are tools that can keep passion perking
right along. Here are 10 of them:
1. Be kind.
I’m writing this on a cruise ship and it’s
fascinating to watch people grouch at their spouses,
then turn around and share a friendly smile with
a stranger. We tend to take family and best friends
for granted. A smile, a wink, just a moment of
kindness goes a long way.
2. Be attentive.
Paying attention to the details of life is important.
Pick up your own trash, and pick up for each other.
Put things away and help each other with the small
projects around the house. These things are the
currency of love.
3. Be gracious. Small
surprises can create huge rewards in a relationship.
I think of it as the "Martha Stewart Effect."
Taking a moment to put on a clean shirt before
dinner, using the good china or cutting a flower
from the garden and putting it on the table are
examples. All these things add color, spice and
graciousness to our lives.
4. Be patient.
We all have bad days. It happens. When it happens
to your spouse, be smart! Take the kids to the
park for an hour or order Chinese take-out for
dinner. Give him/her a break! This is the reality
of life. Allow for it.
5. Be honest. Tell
the truth about your feelings and do it promptly
in a respectful, effective way. Share your disappointments
and fears, but also share dreams, hopes and gratitudes.
Keeping secrets kills passion.
6. Be funny!
Life seems to supply its own stress and worry,
but we have to provide the humor on our own. Share
a joke, take time to tickle each other or rent
a funny movie -- and do it often. The couple that
laughs together often does other fun stuff together,
7. Be flexible.
Over a lifetime, people change. Hopefully your
relationship will change and grow and mature with
as you change. One of you will change careers,
the other will change religions. One will have
an illness, the other will make a mistake. Relationships
bend and flex with the winds of life or they break.
8. Be generous.
I’ve saved the best for last. After a survey
of dozens of couples, the big 3 items that showed
up over and over began with "give little
gifts." Surprise each other with flowers,
candy, a card or other gift. Do it often. Do it
for no particular reason. Do it because you love
each other and thought it would be nice to show
it with a gift.
9. Be available.
The second of the "big 3" was "take
time for each other." Schedule time to walk
and talk, go for drives in the country, go to
dinner and see a movie together. Dozens of couples
ranked time together as the most critical component
in keeping romance and passion alive.
10. Be physical.
This is about sensuality perhaps more than sexuality.
Couples talked about the importance of scents,
candles, flowers and walks on the beach. They
talked about making love, but mostly they talked
about back rubs and holding hands and creating
memories. They talked about getting dressed up
and going out and they talked about skinny-dipping.
They talked about being playful and finding their
own way. You can do this!
Someone has said, "Life
is what happens while you were making other plans."
Romance is about real life, not about dreams and
fantasies of the perfect partner someday on a
Pacific island. Romance and passion are about
taking time to enjoy the company of the person
you love. Have fun. Do it today!
© Copyright 2003 by Philip
Dr. Philip E. Humbert
is a writer, speaker and success coach with over
300 free articles, tools and resources for your
success, including a great newsletter! It's all
on his website at: http://www.philiphumbert.com
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