How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life
By Sharon Koenig

So your relationship has changed over the years since you said “I do” and sex isn’t what it used to be. You should know that this is normal and commonplace in the majority of marriages. But knowing that you are not alone does not make you feel any better nor does it get you the satisfying sex life that you once had. You simply can’t go through the trials of life without changing.

Some men and women feel that if their spouse is not interested in sex, this gives them license to have an affair. Being in a committed marital relationship puts the responsibility on you to improve your marital sex. Though bringing the passion back into your marriage is not a one-way street. At the end of the day, you can only change yourself.

Take a look at your lifestyle first; this will help you determine what needs to change. If you’re both so tired from dealing with children, work, money and household chores then no wonder your time between the sheets is a wee bit dull. So you find that you are both working 24 hours a day, seven days a week, now you realize that it is time for a break and enjoy each other just like you once did when life was a little more carefree.

One of THE BIGGEST mistakes a couple can make is to not pay for child care, pay for a maid or take little mini-vacations -- in a nutshell, taking time for each other without all of the stresses of running a home and family. Yes, I can hear you saying that this is costly. Let me put it to you this way, would you rather pay for a maid every now and then to give your wife a break or a Marriage Councilor or worst a Divorce Attorney? I know, not every sexually dissatisfied relationship ends in divorce; however, a dissatisfied sex life is statistically one of the biggest reasons that people get divorced. So here are some tips for you to improve marital sex:

  • Locate a “Parents’ Night Out” service to care for the children and take your time with each other to do the things that you fell in love with in the first place.
  • Take a little more pride in how you look. Studies show that men respond to visual stimulation so ladies, take heed and spruce yourself up from time to time. Let’s face it, the sweatpants are great for doing chores around the house but when your husband comes home from work, freshen up for him and maybe even make your man melt when he lays eyes on you. Men are not off the hook here, either. That extra tire around the waist may need to go. If you’ve been carrying around too much extra weight since your dating days, maybe it’s time to get a Health Club membership. These behaviors happen to all of us and it’s easy to fall into a rut. That’s okay, but if you want more passion, then act like you’re dating each other all over again. I can’t guarantee that you will get some tonight but you are no doubt on the right track.
  • Let’s not forget about communication. This is touchy if you have a spouse who is uncomfortable talking about sex. If you choose to put this effort forth, you must bring up this subject in a calm, relaxing environment. Talking about this during a marital argument is a definite no-no. Bringing blame or being defensive won’t solve the problem either. Above all, be patient with each other, try new things, have a sense of humor and remember to make time for a date night, which of course includes time for a spicy, passionate sex life.

Often sex is plentiful, but just simply boring. It is a challenge for most married couples to add newness. To learn more and to discover free sex tips to improve your marital sex, log on to

©Copyright 2004 Innovative Associates.

Sharon Koenig writes articles, free tips and advice intended to improve marital sex since 2002.

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