Things You Should
Know: Stepfamily Checklist
Stepfamilies are an organizational challenge.
Communication is a key ingredient in the making
of a stepfamily rich in connection and collaboration.
It is important for adults to communicate frequently
and effectively. Couples should set aside weekly
times to talk. Before this meeting, each partner
should set aside time to reflect on how things
are going. What's bugging you? What is feeling
good? Which issue do you want to discuss? Prepare
for the meeting with your partner so communication
can be proactive rather than reactive. When the
adults are happy and clear in their thinking,
the kids will have an easier time adjusting.
Adjusting To Stepfamily Life Is A Process.
Use The Stepfamily Checklist As A Roadmap On
Your
Path Towards Rewarding Stepfamily Living:
Clarity
of Roles:
- Define your role as a
stepparent.
- Discuss stepparent role
with partner.
- Define areas of agreement
and disagreement.
- Clarify differences in
parenting styles.
- Agree on who parents who.
- When possible, develop
a co-parenting team.
- Understand that different
households have different rules, rhythms
and rituals.
Clarity of Boundaries:
- Define household rules
and rituals.
- Recognize unresolved baggage
across households.
- Discuss how
unresolved
issues are
impacting
your household.
- Set aside
regular
discussion times to
develop
strategies for change.
- Reflect
on
your need
for
personal time
and
space.
- Be
clear
and
negotiate
for
your
needs.
- Be
respectful
of
everyone’s
idiosyncrasies.
Clarity
of Partnership:
- Discuss models
of marriage.
- Define what
model of
marriage you
want.
- Discuss ideas
on roles
and responsibilities
for each
partner.
- Define who
does what
and agree
to negotiate
as the
partnership matures.
- Discuss money,
differences in
spending and
saving and
past money
history.
- Define a
model of
money management
that both
partners can
life with.
Clarity
of Personal
Needs:
- Reflect on
your need
for intimacy.
- Be clear
about how
much couple
time is
important.
- Understand
your
feeling
style.
- Have
a
way
to
process
intense
feelings
so
you
can
be
proactive
rather
than
reactive.
- Understand
your
interpersonal
style
and
how
it
impacts
household
dynamics.
- Reflect
on
how
you
manage
anger.
- Reflect
on
unresolved
issues
with
your
former
partner.
Clarity
of
Other
Family
Issues:
- Understand
that
partners
will
talk
with
ex-spouses
to
coordinate
children's
needs.
- Reflect
on
your
role
in
this
process.
- Reflect
on
how
your
family
of
origin
affects
you
today.
- Understand
if
and
how
this
impacts
your
current
family.
- Discuss
the
rhythm
of
the
kids
moving
between
households
and
be
aware
of
how
this
affects
your
rhythms.
- Understand
the
stepfamily
developmental
stage
you
are
in
and
how
this
affects
family
function.
- Understand
that
other
family
issues
become
more
intense
during
the
holidays.
- Discuss
holiday
issues
ahead
of
time
and
have
a
plan.
Special
thanks
to
StepfamilySolutions.net
for
providing
this
helpful
checklist
for
stepfamilies just
starting
out.
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