Teach
Your Children How To Resolve Conflict Without
Using Anger Or Power
By Michael Grose
Teaching kids to deal with conflict effectively
and peacefully is perhaps the biggest challenge
facing adults today. Children’s disagreements
both at home and at school can be noisy, physical
and psychologically hurtful. The approach to conflict
resolution learned and practiced in childhood
often stays for life.
Conflict is part of daily living. Effective people
resolve conflict in ways that protect relationships,
honor feelings and lead to a resolution. They
neither avoid conflict nor do they use power to
dominate others or win conflict.
It is useful for parents to provide a process
for children to resolve individual differences
peacefully and effectively. When two children
have a disagreement that is upsetting to one or
either then they may need adult assistance to
resolve the conflict. One process that is both
easy to learn and highly effective is the Face-Up
conflict resolution process that is a variation
on some common processes in use.
In the Face-Up process, children face each other
and maintain eye contact. This helps for greater
openness and understanding. It generally requires
an adult to be present as a third party so parents
may need to stick around to make sure it works
effectively.
The steps involved in the Face-up process:
- Safety first: To ensure safety and integrity,
it is important that both children are calm.
Give them time and some help to regain control
if they
are angry or upset.
- Feelings second: Using “I-messages,” children
tell each other how they feel about the situation. “I
feel awful when you don’t share your toys.
I really feel like losing it because it is not
fair.” Focus on the feelings and don’t
let it get into recriminations or accusations.
- Repeat third: Sometimes this process is
enough to get a resolution or at least an
apology. Repeat
this procedure if necessary so both children
feel they have been heard.
- Resolve fourth: State
the problem as you see it or as children
identify it. Sometimes
children
just want to state their case and they will make
their own suggestion about resolving it. “You
can play with my old toys but I don’t want
you playing with my new toys for a while. They’re
special.” “Okay.”
- Make-up fifth: An apology or an agreement
is often enough; however, sometimes damage may
need
to be repaired or a follow-up talk from a parent
about better behavior may be appropriate.
Teaching children some simple rules for resolving
conflict and a process such as the one above
may well be one of the best investments in
time and
energy that a parent will make.
Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting
educator. He is the author of six books and gives
over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly
on television, radio and in print. For further
ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient
teenagers, visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/
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