Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-Behaved Kids
By Michael Grose

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make you feel dreadful. However, consistency is one of the most important elements in the relationship with your children, but it is the one most frequently overlooked.

Consistency means dealing with the little misbehaviors and not letting them grow into bigger behaviors. It means saying no to children’s constant requests for five more minutes of television at night or a third serving of ice cream. It means following through and allowing children to experience a consequence every time they misbehave. If children arrive home after dark from a friend’s place, don’t ground them sometimes but at other times just voice your disapproval. That type of inconsistency makes you responsible for children’s misbehavior and teaches children nothing about accountability.

Consistency also means that both parents have a similar approach to behaviors. If Mom is too strict and Dad is too lenient, children will know who to go to if they wish to take advantage. They will soon play one parent off against each other. If a child wants to get away without doing a job or stay an extra hour at a friend’s place, he’ll just ask Dad because “he’s easy-going.” Even if you are separated, talk about your approaches to discipline and find some common ground. Agree on such issues as family rules, pocket money, guidelines for going out and suitable consequences for misbehavior.

If you disagree with a partner’s approach, do so behind closed doors. When unplanned situations occur, don’t be afraid to tell your children that you need to consult with your partner before making a decision. Children will realize that you are working as a team and that you are making a considered approach to their behavior or request.

Consistency, like routines, is often sacrificed by busy working parents and put in the “too hard basket.” When we are tired, stretched and overworked, the last thing we want to do is engage in a battle with children over what are sometimes petty issues. You may have spent the whole day dealing with difficult customers or colleagues only to come home and find that you have another battle on your hands with equally belligerent children. So to avoid an argument, a tantrum or tears, you give in to your child’s unruly behavior or unreasonable request.

Giving in rather than being consistent and holding your ground is not a smart long-term strategy. Kids learn quickly how far they can push a parent before he or she gives in. If you give in occasionally, they will learn that if they push you hard enough and long enough you will cave in. Consistency is about being strong and holding your ground. That is hard work because the average child will push parental boundaries about 30% of the time and more difficult kids push your boundaries twice that much. It is hard work being consistent but good parenting demands it.

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and appears regularly on television, radio and in print. His landmark parenting book, “One Step Ahead,” offers a comprehensive strategy to help you effectively manage children’s behavior. For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers, visit: http://www.parentingideas.com.au

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